Monthly Musings

FLOATER’S BLOG: Pooless Date, August 25th 2025

Monthly Musings by Corliss Buenavida  

No rant this month. I’m over that. I found peace through beerfloating.

Sure, stuff can be upsetting but as far as the big picture goes – things are pretty darned good. Yes, I had to put on long pants today because of the chill in the air, but I wouldn’t appreciate the heat so much without Mother Nature’s counter measures. Instead of ranting, I’m gonna work on monthly musings because some things in life are rather amusing!

For example, the other day while I was cycling around Toronto (possibly Mississauga, a sister city to the left on a right side up map – or is that correct side up?) I went past the Otis Elevator offices and I was quite amused that it was in a one story building. Hmm! 

___________________

I’m sure you have heard somebody express “needing to get their pH levels in balance.” You know, find equilibrium.

I think for a lot of people, that means the right amount of pHone and not too many pHarmaceuticals!

I was sitting with a bunch of people at a dinner table the other night and I was the only one who wasn’t taking a prescribed medicine and a lot of these folks were only in their twenties! What has come of this world?

Most of them even agreed their social anxieties for which they were being treated had a lot to do with their phones.

Don’t get me wrong I love having a cell phone and one of my least used apps is ‘phone’ but having my ‘learnin’ machine’ handy has been a wonderful tool these last couple of decades and has made the world a better place.

Social media; that I could argue has done significant damage and the dinner testimonials back my case.

I saw a good example of this when I cycled past a summer camp taking a short break and all the kids were heads down over their devices.

So I believe by lowering one pH level you have a better chance at eliminating another pH all together. Less pHone, no pHarmaceuticals.

___________________

I’ve been doing a lot of cycling this summer. Truth told I probably do more cycling than floating on a yearly basis but don’t tell anybody.

So a couple of weeks ago, I cycle past this tiny apartment building from which a young man exits carrying a little puppy. 

“Aah! Such a cute little puppy,” I think.

And then I think, “What the hell is this guy doing with that puppy which is going to grow into a big dog living in that small apartment that has no green space around it?”

Sure enough he walks across the road to a front lawn of a neighbour’s home and plops down little Pluto to drop a load.

How do the neighbours feel about him shitting on their lawn?

Not cute dude!

___________________

On another ride, I came upon a squirrel who, had been flattened in the middle of the road. You know the story. He sees a car coming at him and he goes back and forth trying to decide which way to go whereas maybe he should be standing still in plain sight so people can avoid him.

I’m sure there is a metaphor in this about poor decision making. Wavering back and forth just upsets everybody and is a waste of time. Make a decision and stand by it right or wrong, at the very least stand out rather than running away to hide.

___________________

I woke up from a nightmare this morning. There was rumbling on the street and I thought, “Oh my God! There are tanks rolling into town. They’ve taken over!

It was just construction equipment working on the road. Of course, this is all related to a photo my friend sent me about area 51 and the recent meetings between Trump and Putin in Alaska.

I guess my sub-conscious was thinking the two have gotten together and they’re planning to take over Canada - what a nightmare!

 ___________________

I noticed a cleverly posted sign at the entry to a local street festival which inspired this musing…

God might be the creator but she certainly isn't the overseer! And if she is overseeing, she’s not very good at it. Or she’s really mean!

Just to follow up, you may wonder why I refer to God as female?

Let’s see. It’s kind of like one of those clue games we waste our time playing on our pHones.

Jesus is the son of God.

There is no mention of God having a spouse.

Children are borne by female parents.

God must be a woman. Duh!

 ___________________

And finally…

You know when you go shopping and your poop starts to talk to you?

I’m not referring to simple intestinal conversation as in a fart. You can just blow that off. No, I’m referring to when it actually speaks to your inner being.

Mine spoke to me the other day while I was shopping at Canadian Tire. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of visiting one of these Canadian shrines, they are a retail company which started out as one might guess selling rubber to car drivers but now operate out of big box stores in the automotive, hardware, sports, leisure and house wares sectors. There is usually a Tim Horton’s nearby, but that is another story.

So my poop said, “Heeelllloooo!,” in a bend me over kind of way.

If yours does that, you should listen to it. Especially when it says we have to vacate the premises. I’m not referring to you leaving the building unless of course that building has no bathroom. It means the poop is saying, it has to vacate your premises. In other words it’s got to get out of you in a hurry, so find a bathroom right away.

Now, what’s this got to do with floating? Well, the same rules apply to when you’re in a floatie, perhaps in the middle of a lake. Then again in lake, just roll off, drop your drawers and take a dump where you are as long as no one is around and you know which way the current is flowing. You’re never going to make it to shore in time anyway.

However, if you’re in a big public swimming pool that’s not going to work so listen to what your poop has to say, and make a break for it!

If you don’t listen right away – well that’s amusing to other people.

Ever observant,

Corliss

beer float.calm = beerfloat.net not beerfloat.com