Kitchen Sink Strainer
Mail Bag Blog - Further enlightenment from beerfloat.calm
A reader from Miami writes…
“Corliss what’s the deal with mentioning ‘Kitchen Sink Strainers’? I’ve read about it twice now in your rants.
Curious, Simon”
Answer by Corliss Buenavida April 23, 2025
Well, Simon, this is an excellent question and one which I would love to expound upon.
First of all, if you have ever owned a property which uses a septic system and had to replace your in-ground lines because they are clogged with solids which somehow made it down the drain then you will know the expensive price tag involved compared to the tiny cost of a sink strainer!
That alone should be reason enough to learn how to place a strainer in a sink but let us look at it by the definition.
‘strainer’: a device having holes punched in it or made of crossed wires for separating solid matter from a liquid.
In other words, it is a member of the ‘filter’ family.
‘filter’: a porous device for removing impurities or solid particles from a liquid or gas passed through it
I know ‘impure’ is a bad word because the nuns kept telling me with wooden spoon spankings while I was growing up. So, I know we should strain the impurities from travelling with the pure water down the sink.
On a side note, when I played this ‘kitchen sink strainer definition game’ with my daughter, while she was growing up, she had the smarmy nerve to retort I needed an impurity filter on my ass for all the craft beer gas which passes through it. Gotta love her!
Yes, there is a little work involved in using a strainer. Assuming it is a standard issue product it has two positions, ‘Open’ and ‘Closed’. Some can be poorly made and thus frustrating because they ‘Close’ with the slightest touch including moving water and this defeats the purpose of the ‘Open’ position. And when it does work you have to lift it out and toss what it has collected in the compost or garbage. Yuk, such tough issues to deal with!
Then again that $10,000 payment to the contractor who just replaced your septic field is pretty yucky too.
So, what are some other examples of strainers or filters which show the importance of this simple device?
Kitchen sieve, which you might use to get the lumps out of your cocoa powder or more importantly strain the maggots from your small supply of remaining corn meal after you lyingly promised your new boss who you are trying to impress that you would make polenta from scratch, as you always do, not!
Still in the kitchen, a coffee filter. How do like chewing on grinds?
Kidneys. How do like toxic poisoning?
Parental Guide digital filter, you don’t want your kids watching your fetish porn.
Perhaps the best example is the net used under a high wire or flying trapeze act at the circus. It is spread out parallel with but above the ground to capture a falling performer. They practice for long hours with safety harnesses to perfect their craft and use chalk to help with their grips but once in a while a tiny miscue can lead to aging Henri losing his hand hold on poor Olga. But don’t worry as she careens wildly downward her fall is captured in the ‘human strainer’, a safe springy webbing of mesh and due to her extraordinary balancing skills, she bounces back up into a standing position and even takes a little bow before hopping over to the base of the ladder to continue the routine.
Now, let’s assume the net was put up incorrectly, on its side, in the position of, say, a volleyball net, straight up and down. Unless Olga’s trajectory takes her sideways in the exact location of this vertical net and she just manages to get a grip on it with her finger tips, well then, I think we are likely to see a very sad face on Henri as he hears the approaching ambulance siren and realizes his impending retirement and a bleak short future of personal psycho trauma attached to the open end of a whiskey bottle. So sad. Who put the net in that position!!!?
Simon, I hope this answers your question.
Capture the crap, Corliss
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