Big Red & The Cactus

Big Red & The Cactus – by Corliss Buenavida

In San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua, where I spend a lot of time in what is the cold Canadian winter they have another name for that season – summer.

In the center of Central America, Nicaragua is not in the southern hemisphere, so they don’t have opposite seasons to that of Canada but it’s not ‘rainy season’, so that makes it ‘summer’ - don’t ask. There is also a bonus sub-season during summer in that part of the country called ‘windy season’.

Each year is different but in general ‘rainy season’ is May to November with the heaviest rains in the months of May and October. December to April is ‘summer’ which is breezy  but for about a month around February the serious ‘windy season’ kicks in. I’ve been in homes up on the hill at the north end of the bay during strong winds when you have to take in all the deck furniture to save it from being blown away and a loud whistle (actually a roar) will come through the smallest of openings in windows or doors to the point where you can’t hear each other talk.

At lower elevations winds tend to be mitigated somewhat by buildings and trees but can still pack a wallop. Beach walks are a lesson in exfoliation and hats are tightened on a daily basis. The Villa has suffered tree damage and complete tree loss on more than one occasion.

Now you might ask, “Corliss, how does this affect a beer float?” To which I would reply, “Excellent question, Grasshopper!” (see - Kung Fu, early ‘70’s TV show)

Well, ocean floats are out of the question during windy season because you are constantly being pushed away from the beach due to the continual offshore flow we get here. Even in a swimming pool a calm drift is not going to happen. You will likely be spending most of your float pushed up to the edge of your pool. But these winds can swirl and change direction with incredible speed so you might be pinned against one side of the pool at one moment and then sent across your open water very rapidly to the point where you have to make defensive paddle strokes to lessen the bounce of hitting the pool edge. You have to keep that beverage from spilling at all costs! During windy season I often keep my feet up on the pool edge to anchor my floats. 

If you are lucky enough to have a winter getaway with a pool and a spare bedroom, then you know it is not surprising to have guests who also want to escape snow and cold. When they arrive, you will give them a rundown of the basics including safety on the tiles around the pool if they have wet feet, etc. All that information can be a lot to take in while their senses are overloaded with the assault of the new culture and tropical heat of a holiday paradise. They may tend to forget an item or two which was mentioned while the first wobbly pops were being cracked open.

This brings me to the story of  Big Red & The Cactus. Okay, it wasn't really named Big Red, there was also a big blue float and a big green float, and it wasn't really a cactus but other than gardeners and tequila drinkers who knows what Agave is?

So, Big Red was a large red pool float, typical polyvinyl chloride, with a good backrest and a drink holder. A great float for a novice beer floater with a larger body who just wants to experience the same chill experience which his host has been extolling for years. We were in the pool in the early afternoon, after a nice brunch at Dale Pues and an introductory walk around the little town. I had asked what tunes he wanted to hear and unlike most guests who will say, “what ever you want to hear, it’s always so good”, he actually requested some Kings of Leon because he had seen Talihina Sky, a documentary about the band on the flight down the previous day. I loaded ‘Come Around Sundown’, their 2010 LP release and we were not even through two tracks when my guest said it was refill time. Granted we had cracked the first can just after getting in the door from the hot walk back up to The Villa, so it wasn’t an unusual scheduling for replenishment. I had my feet up on the pool edge in the Sweet Spot with eyes closed taking in the sonics because I hadn’t listened to this album in its entirety for some time. Therefore, when the offer came to re-stuff my koozie, I tossed back my dregs and handed over my can, all the while enjoying the view of the inside of my eyelids. This was a mistake.

Now, don’t expect me to name names, because there is no shaming in the beerfloat world. However, Adrian, from Milton, Ontario, Canada forgot the guidelines offered the previous evening about how to care for a float during windy season.

It hit me too late! As I felt the gust approaching, I opened my eyes. Adrian was just coming back out with our fresh cold ones. I looked on the deck for where he should have tucked his inflatable under the edge of a deck lounger. It wasn’t there. A quick glance to my right and there it was in the shallow end floating above the steps where he had exited the pool. Five seconds quicker and he would have made it back in time. I lunged with a crab walk push along the edge of the pool and stuffed my hands in the water with a furious paddle but I too, was too late. Windy Season picked up the leading edge of Big Red and with one quick sideways flip threw her into the garden like the hollow shell she was. She could have hit the young Mango tree and been fine. The Hibiscus shrubs were begging to catch her. Even the Butterfly Pea Vine (just check out the Latin name of that one), almost growing like a net beside the pool stairs, couldn’t help.

Instead, the destination the Evil Wind sent poor Big Red was onto the sharp tip of a frond of an Agave sisalana. She never had a chance. One moment she was full of air and the next a floppy red mess hanging over a pale green mass of sword shaped leaves. A definitive end, both back rest and seat emptied in less than a second. A moment please, I just need to get a tissue.

And now for the technical part of the program: Float Storage.

If you have read a previous blog about Valvitis, you know I don’t want to inflate and deflate more often than absolutely necessary. Thus, I have to have a storage space for multiple inflated tubes, because you just never know who might show up on any particular day and people come in all different shapes and sizes. Of course, when you have as many apparatuses as I have collected it is impossible to keep them all full of air. Luckily, slow leaks identify the weak members of the herd and only a few are left standing proudly, chock full of hot air. Still, there are too many to always keep inflated on the pool deck, so I have set up a stretchy mesh net under my pool side gazebo to pen in my rides. But again, I have run out of room and need to send some fine friends into long term storage. This is where you come in.

You might have one or a couple of floats you take on vacation. Or you have a pool, but the pool shed can only hold so much. You need to exercise your float of its gassy contents and put it away for a while – these are the best steps which will lead to a successful revival for some future float.

First, dry your craft. Sunshine can be a great help but use a dry towel or cloth when required.

Second, get the air out. Easy to say, somewhat difficult in practice, especially with drink holders and handles getting in the way. Ideally, you have an electric pump with both inflate and deflate capabilities. If so, suck that thing empty!

For those using the ‘hand squeeze it out’ technique then you will probably find your valve needs to be pinched to keep the inner back draft flap wedged open. After you let the natural equilibrium of air pressure get most of the air out, roll or fold any remaining air out from the point furthest from the valve back towards the valve. Likely you will have both the headrest and seat to deflate separately. If so, start with the smaller headrest. When you feel you have as much air out as possible put the valve stops back in place, you don’t want air refilling the float.

Third, is an optional but very helpful step for long term storage care of your prized flotation device. Lightly dust the entire surface with talc or baby powder. This will stop your craft’s surface from sticking to itself and make reinflation smell wonderful.

Please note: If you are doing a quick deflation to get on the road, don’t forget to do a better job when you have more time to take care of your craft. A damp crunching together of vinyl opened up a few months later may result in layers of vinyl folds sticking to each other to the point where you may damage it trying to separate them. Not only that, mold might develop, which you ‘might’ be able to clean away visibly, but the odor will linger in the plastic forever.

Lastly, store your water craft in a dry place, preferably in a plastic bin or bag. Don’t use a cardboard box as it can absorb moisture which may again lead to a mold smell getting into your vinyl.

Now that we have your precious goods tucked away for a long winter’s nap, let me tell you Adrian’s incident was really a non-issue. I always ask my out of country guests to bring a float with them to donate to The Villa. It replenishes the supply plus I like to test out what new options are out there. They are also requested to bring a koozie but hey, if they forget, that’s what the koozie drawer is for. For that matter, that’s what the pool float stock pile is for too! Who knows, maybe I will have to host the next Corona Supermodel Pool Party? I just won’t hold it during ‘windy season’!

Suck it, stick it out of sight, then blow it again!

Corliss

beerfloat.calm = beerfloat.net not beerfloat.com